A Battle of What?
by Kowalistair Fanatic
Summary: When Ian and Dan get into a huge argument they decide to battle it out.  But what happens when the competition turns out to be something that Ian would never suspect?  For Blue's 3rd 39 Clues challenge Humor, Laughs, and Random Stuff.


**Kowalistair Fanatic is back! (And with another challenge entry.)**

**So I've been struggling with my stories and inspiration lately, but I've come to a great conclusion! I'm going to finally post my C.I.F.S.C story! (Check out my profile if you don't know about it.) It's been taking me a couple of months to muster up the courage, but I finally think that I'm going to do it.**

**And special thanks to My Heart of Blue for encouraging me to get off my lazy author butt and write this.  
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**But anyway, back to the thing that you clicked the link for. On with the story!**

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><p>"You want to make something of that Cobra?" Dan Cahill yelled, inches away from his opposer's face.<p>

"Any place, any way, any time Cahill." Ian shot back with a smug grin.

Dan rolled his eyes, "Oh you think that you're sooo perfect."

Ian shrugged, "I AM good at a lot of things. But I probably couldn't beat you at an idiocy contest."

"Alright pretty boy, let's settle this once and for all. We've been fighting for weeks ever since you and Natalie were transferred here and I'm sick of it."

"Fine. How about the auditorium at free period? We'll battle it like men there." Ian said.

Dan crossed his arms, "Okay, but I get to pick what we compete in."

Ian laughed, "Whatever Daniel. You're going to lose anyway. I'm good at practically everything."

As he walked away Dan secretly smiled to himself, "That's what you think." he muttered.

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><p>"Dan, are you crazy?" Amy yelled.<p>

He smiled as they trudged through the hallways to the auditorium. "Nope...at least, not now."

"Dan, Ian get's straight A's, and has been trained in hand-to-hand combat by the Lucians ever since he was five!" Amy cried, "You're going to be creamed!"

He patted her on the shoulder, "Oh, ye of little faith." he peeked his head into the door to see a very crowded auditorium, with students waiting anxiously in their seats.

Amy gasped, "Where did all of these people come from?"

"Wow, news does travel fast!" Dan exclaimed. Amy shot him a horrified look as Ian sauntered up to them.

"Ready to taste bitter defeat Daniel?" he asked, smirking.

"You wish." they both stood side by side and walked up to the stage. As Dan passed Sophie Olivers, (the official game master) he handed her the rules and walked onstage. He and Ian both sat in chairs with a microphone next to them on the floor and glared at each other.

"So Daniel, now that it's time to begin, what have you chosen for our battle?" Ian asked, speaking into his microphone. "Checkers? Arcade games? Or perhaps martial arts."

Dan shook his head. "None of those. Ian, I challenge you to..."

A dead silence filled the room, everyone waited anxiously for his answer. "A game of wit." he finally finished.

"What?" Ian asked in confusion.

"No, not what. Wit." Dan corrected, grinning.

Sophie stood up, "The rules are simple, Ian and Dan will take turns addressing the 3 challenges. The person who get's the most laughs from the audience will be the winner. First to 2 wins! Round one, jokes!"

Dan stood up and walked casually around the stage, "What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants?"

"AHHHHH?" asked someone in the crowd, making a Tarzan call. "No...he says, 'Look a herd of elephants.' duh! Seriously, why do you go to this school again?"

The entire audience burst into laughter, tears running down their cheeks. Dan smiled and took a bow.

Ian cleared his throat, preparing for his turn. "You know Daniel, this is a small room. Just ugly." he paused and waited for the laughing but only heard the distant sound of chirping crickets.

"What in the-?" he glared at Dan holding a tape recorder,

"Recorded sound? Really?"

Dan turned off the tape recorder and smiled, "I reserved it just for your jokes."

Everyone broke out into laughter again. "Round one goes to Dan!" Sophie exclaimed, everyone cheered.

Ian gave Dan a death glare, but Dan just stuck out his tongue in response.

"Round two, Rhyming Trash Talk! The person with the best rhyming insult wins." Sophie exclaimed again.

"You go first Ian." Dan gestured.

He rolled his eyes, "Oh how gentlemanly of you. Hmm...let me see." Ian cleared his throat, "There once was a stumbling fool, that played in a riddling duel. Although he played fair, he's in awful despair. Because his opponent was just too cool." he winked slyly at the audience. A few people (mostly swooning girls) applauded at his creative limerick.

Dan crossed his arms, "Sheesh Ian, that was supposed to be an insult? I've heard a punchline hit harder. Let the master show you how it's done." he stood up and grinned. "Ian thinks he's so smart, that his little rhyme won this part. But his heart just might pound, at the last final round." Dan leaned in and whispered discreetly, "And I think he just let out a fart." he fanned his hand across his nose.

Everyone burst out into laughter as Ian reddened.

"Round 2 goes to Dan! And since he's won two challenges, he's the official winner!" Sophie exclaimed, jumping excitingly up and down.

"WHAT?" Ian cried in outrage.

At that moment the audience clapped and whistled loudly, giving Dan a standing ovation. Amy was grinning ear to ear at his accomplishment, and the crowd threw whatever junk they had onstage to congratulate him. Candy bars, pocket lint, a top hat, (seriously who still wears those?) and even a turtle plushie. Dan took a bow (and some candy) and walked off stage. Amy ran over and gave him a hug.

"Ew, Amy! Girl...germs...much?" he complained.

She punched him, "You can be such a dweeb!" but her eyes shinned with pride.

"Good job Daniel. You've proven that you're the true clown." said a voice behind them. Ian strode over to then with a smirk. Before Dan could come back with another insult Amy held out a can to Ian.

"W-Wait Ian, you look hungry. P-peanuts?" she offered.

_What are you doing?_ Dan wanted to scream. This wasn't time for his sister to have another stuttering attack!

"Actually, I did miss lunch. Thank you Amy." Ian said smoothly, taking the can and walking away.

She grinned and strolled away with a fuming Dan through the hallway. She looked at him, "So what caused all of this anyway?"

"Oh, Ian said that ninjas are stupid." he answered simply, and then muttered. "I never back down from an insult."

Suddenly a loud British cry resounded from the auditorium. Dan looked at Amy in bewilderment who was smiling evilly. She opened an identical can of nuts and fake snakes went flying everywhere. "And neither do I Danny Boy."

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><p><strong>Not the best comedy ever, but I hope that I at least got some chuckles. So as always, please review! This is my last entry for My Heart of Blue's contest so wish me luck! (Unless of course, I decide to write more 39 Clues versions of Greek myths. I'm still on the fence about that.)<strong>


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